High on my own sickness.

Okay, I just sneezed and it happens to be the loudest of all the sneezes that I had in my entire life. lolz. I was coughing for a lil, sneezing and sniffing at the same time while listening to DDA just now. I was forcing myself to sleep around 7pm cuz I was really feeling dizzy on the head and suddenly it felt heavy and all I wanted to do is to lie down on my bed.

Sheesh, I wouldnt want to force myself to sleep again but in the mean time, what the heck should I do to kill time? Survivor wont be on tv until 12.30am. Im freaking lazy to dress up and go out to have a cuppa. Too lazy to drive. Mad drivers esply on weekends. Tsk. Friends are all pretty much Not Available. Ho hum. Tough luck.

What's comforting now is to have a bunch of close friends coming over to your place, sipping hot chocolate playing cards and talking away.. would be perfect. Heh.

And blardy fcuking hell, Linkin Park is having a concert in KL and the tickies are on sale tmr.. and my response would be GARH~

DONT remind me. *make a face*

Im sick. Im broke. I wanna go clubbing. I want Dome. I want to catch a movie. I want a man in my life. I want money. I want to feel better.

Okay, stop complaining. Shaddup.

Stop whining. Shaddup.

Floofy poofs.

Here's for you bored people.

Nahhh! courtersy of Chocobo.

REMINDER : Make sure you stay till the end of it! =D

Dumdebored.

Ah, a fag always helps to ease the day.. but then why am I still feeling out.

Garh.. third day of the holidays and Im feeling bored out.

Sheesh. I took my shower at 3 in the morning and then slept after half an hour. I had dreams that scare me sometimes. I felt my whole body was trembling in fear and shiver in cold and slept without waking up and felt that Ive had the worst dreams ever and felt horrified after that.

Another thing that horrifies me is not knowing the future. Well, worries me actually. It smells and tastes almost the same, so familiar that it frightens me at times.

Oh shite, shouldnt be recalling that. Badd.

[ my stupidity ]
Sewaktu api sedang membara, saya memerlukan sesuatu untuk memadamkan api yang merebak itu, jadi saya memanggil pihak bomba iaitu blog saya dan tuliskan sesuatu yang telah mendatangkan ataupun menimbulkan perselisih faham di antara pembaca-pembaca sekalian. Semoga saya tidak mengejutkan dan menakutkan sekalian.

Tetapi kebakaran itu telah mencederakan seorang pemuda lelaki yang berusia 19 tahun yang kini sedang dirawat di unit kawalan kritikal Hospital Besar Pulau Pinang. Sewaktu kebakaran itu, pemuda tersebut terperangkap dalam bangunan dan akhirnya pihak bomba berjaya menyelamatkannya selepas sampai di tempat kejadian.

Api itu sudah berjaya dikawal dan dilenyapkan. Punca kebakaran masih disiasat oleh pihak polis and bomba. Kesulitan amat dikesali. Kerugian yang dijangkakan adalah beribu-ribu ringgit.

Sekalian bolehlah menyembahyangkan kepada Tuhan semoga sel-sel yang mati diakibatkan oleh kebakaran itu, agar berehat di syurga dan semoga mereka tidak akan berasa kesejukkan dan sunyi.
[ end my stupidity ]

That was crappy and wasnt well planned.

BAH! That shows how bored I am! dammit.

Pffdddtt. Im gonna get my Nirvana ciggarette box and take a fag out of it and light it up.

[soundbites]
Roger Sanchez - I Never Knew

Kanneh.

ikupiabickamhennakoaicnaliabicikupanakiabicgnog

if you know what I mean.

Im so filled with anger in me. I want to kill him that is the last thing that I will do. No wait, Im going to take revenge. Im going to make him suffer as much damage as what he did to me and then let him die eventually when he gives up and may or may not ask me for forgiveness, I dont care. I WANT HIM TO SUFFER.

Phew.

That was vengeful. So much for feeling beaming and fabulous.

B_A_S_T_A_R_D.

(PS : This post has nothing to do with the previous entry.)

[soundbites]
Slapshock - Numb

Flying f word.

One day, a friend suddenly sms-ed me and told me off, saying (s)he wont talk to me anymore which is mother of all reasons, weird. I didnt do anything wrong so I demanded for explainations. But (s)he kept on saying that it's over. Fine. No more calls or miss calls for that matter, no more smses, no more nothing.
That's why I wrote this, talking about friends are not clothes. :)

Then, today while I was oddly watching the 8 o'clock news talking about companies that are operating abroad and owned by malaysians can be listed in the BSKL, (s)he then sms-ed me, yada yada yada beep beep beep..
The bottom line is, WTF MAN?!?!!

Somebody enlighten me. What has gotten in him/her?

Immature.

So... finally I've finished my two assignments and yippeedeedoo, one week holiday. Heh must remind self to revise for budgeting and prepare presentation crap.

Hmm, well, that's it for now since I only had 3 hours of sleep this morning. Tomorrow is a BIG day. *wink*

Oh, reminder for those who reads this before 11.10pm today, remember to watch Survivor - Pearl Islands.

Have a great weekend.

[soundbites]
Incubus - Aqueous Transmission <- it rawks! :D

Approaches.

After trying many units of pcs in the college's cyber cafe, I finally settled down for one damn pc which can allows me to go online and browse using explorer. It might be because of the server is conjested I guess.

Anyway, after settling down in front of the pc, one Indian guy came and sat next to me. He then approached me, talked to me and later introduced himself. He's an international student hail all the way from India. I mean how many people in college actually bothers to talk to you and to approach you in the first place? All those bona fide ah bengs never and they wont. Instead if you approach them and try to ask them something, they would just freaking stare at you with their as-if-you're-an-alien-out-of-space-with-testicles-hanging-in-your-face-and-nappy-rash-on-your-face expression. Frankly, I can tell you that is what their response will be because I've came across that yesterday. It's so pathetic.

Im glad he did approach me. Now I know someone from India and I mean someone who grew up there. I did notice him around in college and yeah he's new around in college. Oh.. somehow Im attracted to people like that and vice versa. His approach is an evidence! Ha. :D

Well, two assignments to hand in this Friday and I havent started the second one. Oh geez *panic panic* I better get started and sleep early as there will be an early class at ten tmr.

[soundbites]
Jeff Buckley - What Will You Say

Positiva.

Hah yet another friend added to the record for labelling me as a PMS psycho.

Garh..

.. but then that shows that Im feminine enough to let them notice that Im a girl who has PMS. ahhhh..

I told myself to be positive this morning after reading some articles from a magazine so there you go.. heheh.

And my gawd! Lenny Kravitz rocks. ;)

Heh I did a lil grocery shopping just now which lasted less than 30 minutes plus walking from and to my car. I am now broke. The bill came out 66 bucks and I was actually expecting it to be around 30 and the most 40 buckeroos. Damn, thank gawd I have a 20 note slip inside the inner compartment of my purse. Phew! I was *so* close to not being able to pay for my bill. Sheesh there were people behind the line too. Damn, that would be a major embarassment for not being able to pay the debt.

Anyway as I was saying, being positive.. while driving home just now after my grocery shopping, there are this two cute lil kidergarten kids making some hand signals by waving at me to overtake the school bus that they were in. Then after that, the both of them waved at me. Yes, so they're cute and adorable with two ponytails and dimples on their cheeks. Makes me goes "Awww.." and flashes them a huge and happy smile and wave at them too.

C'mon, all together now!

Awwww... and Smile for me!

anyways spread the love y'all. :P

Small things amuzes me. heh.

Peace. Thats all for now.

[soundbites]
Lenny Kravitz - entire Greatest Hits album

Damn figures.

Budgeting, budgeting,
That left my head turning,
Liquid paper everywhere,
Im gonna leave it there.

My afterthought.

Pfffddtt.

Thanks for reading my previous entry. It was difficult to write that, couldnt help myself but to falter and then hit the sack that night. But it has been almost a week and Im doing fine now.

I attended college as usual, well except that I skipped one class the day after her departure, assignments pending as usual, leave my bunk undone as usual, drive around half of the whole island and then sleep at night as usual.

Life really goes on.

I've always been the only faithful one that console myself after my depression or sad episodes. So no worries, Im still in one piece with a lil bit of sunken breakdowns here and there. But I'll be fine.

I feel wordless when someone is feeling what I was feeling like the previous entry. It was so intense that I wished it'd go away that every moment for everything to be alright. But that would be impossible and probably denial for me. I then decided that I'd keep quiet and secretly console that someone with my imagination hugs and shoulder because that is what I want to do, that is what I should do, dammit.

Even now, after days of ordinary boring routines, I was thinking maybe it was because of her that we are close. Now that she's not around, what are we now? Are we still considerd as 'close'? Frankly speaking, Im afraid that things might change. I might not be a good friend.

I tried. I want to be a good friend because I want to. I resist the change because of her departure. But the question is, is there a change anyway?

Maybe it's too early to say anything. Maybe Im paranoid. Maybe I care too much. Maybe Im desperate. Maybe Im pathetic. Maybe I dont matter at all.

Maybe.. just maybe.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I got an email today from a fellow blogger today asking me if Im fine.
Thank you. You know who you are.

I thought of having a heart-to-heart conversation with someone, but everyone seems to be so occupied and busy.

Well, too late to complain already, Im hitting the sack.

Rush to find my way
I hope I'll make it back tomorrow
to where I belong

[soundbites]
Frankie J - Dont Wanna Try

Bon Voyage.

What would you do if you see your best friend today and tomorrow, she won't be around anymore?
What would you do if today you're having a good time and tomorrow comes and the good times are just cherished memories?

The both of you would be a million miles apart and in a different time zone. She will be leading a different life in a different place. The good old times can go as far as ten years back, they can only be a timeless memory engraved in my heart.

Firm. Kind. Cheery. Nice. Smart. Witty. Helpful. Caring. Brave. Smiling and friendly face. Her pleasant personality makes me feel comfortable when I'm around her. I'm glad that I have someone that I can label as a friend and someone that I can rely on.

I'd think.
I'd remember.
I'd cherish.
I'd cry.
I'd sniff.
I'd shed tears.
And I'd miss her dearly.

We've been through thick and thin within the past ten years and although I have to sore and sail the future on my own, I'm glad that she has taken me thus far.

Thank you.

Thank you friends. Whoever that reads this.

Say fuck with me.

i thought to myself while driving home just now.
i've got no motivation to do anything.
i wanted a fag,
so i called a friend,
there was a chance for me to do so but i declined.

its not about me being healthy and trying to cut down on those fags but like i said, i've got no motivation to do any shit.
i just want a soothing company.

friend screwed up initial plan to watch a movie, while three other friends asked me to go out. respectively to the cinema, sega and pizza hut.

i dont know.
i want someone for company.
someone who doesnt judge you for the way you dress, the way you talk (or curse and swear for that matter) and the way you feel.
someone who i am familiar with, someone who im comfortable with, someone that i can talk crap with, someone that i can fag with and someone that i can share my feelings with.

ahdui, but what the heck am i doing now?
craving really badly for Dome, listening to some george benson while feeling exhausted, waiting for someone to call and lastly, complaining about not having motivation to do anything.

blablabla.

too late to complain now.

blablabla.

Something for your toilet wall.

Thinker.
I came here to shit and stink.
But all I do is sit and shit.

And here I sit broken hearted,
couldnt shit but only farted.

some come here to sit and think,
some come here to shit and stink,
often i come here to scratch my balls,
and read all the bullshit on the walls.

here i lie in stinky vapor,
because some bastard who stole the toilet paper,
shall i lie, or shall i linger,
or shall i forced to use my finger.

Broke, freeway and dreaming.

sometimes i think that i binge on my own company too much which led me to become a slight anti-social freak.

now im starting to think that im too old as well as too young for my age. wot?!

having good dreams and bad dreams which haunt me every night but good thing i didnt remember them.

i miss being here, online in blogland.

didja miss me? :D

and its good to get letters too.

havent get this kind of feelings in a while.

ive been numb for a bit and that is why no entry or whatsoever.

and i think i am here at the wrong time.

sleep.

damn, where is my angel?

console me,
let my desire burn,
sing a song for me,
as i slowly fall to sleep,
dream about beauty and kindness,
the morning sun comes,
but youre gone,
and im still alive.
and i wonder if the sun is going to set again.

Good night, dear readers.

Sweet dreams and may your angel sings tonight.

[soundbites]
Frou Frou - Flicks